One Swift Kick in the Bollocks
by Chloe Llewellyn
Summary: Set six years after The More the Merrier, Lister gets ultimate revenge on Rimmer for his affair with Kochanski all those years ago
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One 

Five years passed on Red Dwarf. Arnold and Yvonne got married and the children all grew up. Jemimah is now 17 and she is becoming a very pleasant beautiful young lady. Lilimay and Junior are almost 16. Lilimay decided when she was 13 that she just wanted to be known as Lilly. She has become such a beautiful young girl with long blonde hair that flows right down her back and light blue eyes that shine like stars.

Chloë is now 10 and her dark brown hair is so long it reached her hip. She is just a smaller version of her mother in her looks. Jim-Bexley and Llewey have recently turned nine and they are a handful. They fight with each other as well as with their other siblings and anyone who gets in their way.

Alicia-May is now seven and has shortened her name to Alicia. She is still quite small but growing very quickly and she has almost caught up to what her size should be. Theo is six. He enjoys playing practical jokes on everyone, he's a menace. Every time he plays a practical joke on someone he says, "Dad Dave taught me that."

Isabelle and Damien are now five Isabelle is just a smaller version of Chloë, she looks exactly like Kriss. And Damien, well Damien is the image of his father, he has his hair, his eyes even his sense of humour. Blaize and Caleb are also five and are little clones of each other in both looks and personality. Their blonde hair comes down to their shoulders and their blue eyes are gorgeous.

Kriss and Dave are still together and going strong, they are still very much in love. Kriss does everything for her children without spoiling them. Dave spent all the time he could with them too. Both their lives revolved around Chloë, Llewey, Jim-Bexley, Alicia, Theo, Isabelle and Damien, but they always found time for each other. Arnold and Yvonne were parents again; Matthew, known as Matty. He is three now and the absolute image of his father.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

It was Lilly and Junior's sixteenth birthday and they had a party. Everyone was having a great time; they were all dancing and chatting with each other. Suddenly Lilly ran over to Kriss

"Kriss" she screamed "its Chloë"

"What?" Kriss panicked "what's wrong?"

"Chloë drank some of dad's beer and she's thrown up everywhere"

"What?" Kriss yelled, "Where is she?"

"Over by the bar" Lilly wiped her eyes "I'm sorry Kriss, I told her not to"

"It's not your fault, Lilly" Kriss hugged her "it's Arnold's"

Kriss ran over to her eldest daughter who was still throwing up and rubbed her back

"It's okay darling" Kriss assured her "you'll be okay"

"Will she though?" Lilly asked

"Yeah" Kriss assured her "can you go and get Dave though, I can't lift her"

"Okay" Lilly promised

"What's wrong darling?" Dave asked Kriss

"It's Chloë" Kriss answered, "she had some of Arnold's beer and now she's drunk, and throwing up!"

"Oh dear" Dave sighed, "Do you want me to take her back?"

"I can't carry her Dave" Kriss told him "can you just carry her back then you can come back to the party, I'll stay with her!"

"Okay" Dave agreed

Chloë wasn't easy to carry, even for Dave. He struggled with her all the way but he managed it and they got there in the end

"I'll stay too," Dave offered "

"No, it's okay" Kriss said softly "I'll look after her"

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Tell Yvonne I'll look after Matty too if she brings him here"

Dave left Kriss alone with Chloë. Kriss was so angry at Arnold, even if he hadn't actually given her any, he left it out, what if one of the smaller ones had gotten it, Theo, Isabelle, Damien, Blaize or Caleb, or even Matty, that would have been disastrous.

Dave returned to the party and went straight over to Yvonne who was rocking Matty to sleep

"Kriss says she's have Matty if you take him to her!" Dave shouted about the music

"Okay" Yvonne responded, "Where is she?"

"Chloë's not well" Dave responded, "She's in her room"

"Oh, thanks"

Yvonne walked with Matty up to Chloë's room and knocked on the door

"Come in" Kriss yelled "the door's open"

Yvonne walked in and put Matty on the floor. She could see Kriss sitting next to Chloë's bed, crying

"Hey" Yvonne asked her "what's wrong mate?"

"I don't know what to do, Yvonne" Kriss sobbed, "I can't cope, I'm a crap mother"

"No you're not" Yvonne assured her "you're a wonderful mother. Now, what's brought this on?"

"It's Chloë" Kriss said between tears "she's drunk!"

"How did that happen?"

"She drunk some of Arnold's beer"

"Well, that's not your fault, its Arnold's"

"I always told her not to help herself, to always ask,"

"Well, then there's nothing else you could have done, Kriss"

"Thanks, that makes me feel a lot better!"

"You go" Kriss told her "I'll put Matty down!"

"Are you sure?" Yvonne responded

"Of course I am!" Kriss promised, "You go, Lilly and Junior are your children, I don't want you to miss their sixteenth birthday"

"Thank you" Yvonne hugged Kriss "are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah" Kriss smiled "thank you"


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

Dave thought of a plan, it was a very evil plan, but it was a plan nonetheless. He stared at Lilimay Rimmer, what a perfect little thing, he liked every single bit of her, he found her so attractive and irresistible but the best thing about her was her virginity, she was so pure and innocent, the perfect candidate for a bit of Listy love. After all, Dave thought to himself, she was missing out on a lot.

That poor girl had never felt warm breath on her neck, someone rubbing and sucking her wonderfully formed breasts, fingers on he clit, a tongue on her clit, fingers in her pussy and worst of all poor Lilimay Rimmer had never felt the pleasure of sex, the feeling of a big pulsating cock thrusting in and out of her small tight pussy. She had never reached orgasm or made anyone else reach orgasm. Lilly had never felt the wonderful sensation of warm sperm flowing into her begging pussy and up into her womb.

Dave wanted to do this to her, he'd never had a virgin before and it was Lilly that he wanted. After all think about how much it would hurt Arnold, Dave had been looking for the perfect revenge for six years and finally he'd found it. Sleeping with Arnold's daughter that would teach him that's what happens when you sleep with Dave Lister's wife.

Lilly sat at the table by the side of the dance floor and stared at someone, she thought she loved this person, but she was probably wrong, he was Chloë's stepfather, why would he be interested in her?

Lilly tried to ignore him, tried to look away, but it was impossible, Lilimay Rimmer thought she was in love with Dave Lister and there was nothing she could do about it. She just wanted to stare at him forever. She loved everything about him, the way he flicked his Rastabilly plaits when they got in his face, the was his face crinkled when he tried to eat hot curries, the way he winked at everyone when he was playing with them.

Lilly hated Kriss, once upon a time Kriss had been someone she could talk to, but not now, in Lilly's eyes Kriss was the only thing keeping Dave away from her. Lilly got so jealous when Dave did anything with Kriss, kisses, hugs even a smile between Kriss and Dave would make Lilly's blood boil.

It's no use" Lilly muttered to herself "he loves Kriss, he doesn't love me!" again Lilly tried to forget about Dave, but it was hard, he was absolutely perfect, Kriss was the luckiest woman ever, why couldn't Lilly be the lucky one?"

Lilly hated the night, she hated lying there with Dave in her head, she couldn't help but think about what Dave and Kriss and Dave got up to at night, she knew they were sleeping together, having sex, making love whatever you wanted to call it, it was the same thing and it didn't' make it any easier. Jemimah had told her that it was just a crush and she'd get over it, but that was two years ago and she still felt the same.

Lilly had been staring at Dave for along time now and suddenly Dave looked up at her. their eyes met and for that moment Lilly was in heaven, a shiver went down her back and her heart rate doubled. When Dave smiled at her it got even faster and Lilly couldn't calm it down. Dave blinked and when his eyes opened again they were twinkling, he had wonderful eyes but they had never twinkled like this around her before.

Dave walked over to Lilly and whispered in her ear "come with me Lilly". He took her to the officer's quarters, the 'hotel room' of the ship and sat down on the bed.

"Lilly" Dave smiled "tell me what you think of me"

"What do you mean?" Lilly responded

"Lilly" Dave took her hand "there's no one else her, it's just you and me!"

Lilly's heat got faster and faster until it felt like it was going to bounce out of her chest. "Yeah" she answered "but I still don't know what you mean!"

"Do you have any feelings for me?" he asked

"Yeah" she answered reluctantly

"What feelings do you have then?" Dave sat Lilly down on the bed

"I think I might love you, Dave" she confessed "like Kriss does!"

"Y'know what?" Dave put his hand on her leg "I think I love you too!"

Lilly smiled the biggest smile ever "really?" she asked, "you love me too?"

"Yeah" Dave answered, "Can I kiss you?

"of course" answered Lilly "there's nothing I want more!"

Dave leant forward and kissed Lilly softly on the lips "wow" she gasped

"Did you enjoy that?" Dave asked her

"Yeah" Lilly smiled "it was lovely"

"Do you like this…?" Dave rubbed his hands on her clitoris "… if you don't, tell me, I don't want to do anything you don't want to"

"I do" Lilly promised, "I want more"

Lilly undid her jeans and put Dave's hand into them

"Move your hand" she begged, "I don't know what you're supposed to be doing, but do what you do to…"

"Don't say her name" Dave interrupted "if we're going to do this, you mustn't say her name"

"Okay" Lilly agreed, "I really want this"

"Then let me do what I want"

"Okay"

"But if you don't want to do something let me know or if I hurt you, okay?"

"Okay"

Lilly took her jeans and top off and lay down on the bed. Dave stripped down to his boxers and laid next to her on the bed

"Are you sure you want this Lilly?" Dave asked her

"Of course I am" Lilly responded, "I've wanted this since I was fourteen"

Lilly took of her bra and knickers, she was now completely naked. Dave took off his boxers and he started getting himself hard. Lilly sat up

"What are you going to do to me?" she asked

"First of all I'm going to finger you" Dave told her "tell me if this hurts

Dave put his hand on Lilly's clit and rubbed it a few times until she started moaning in pleasure

"I'm sorry, Dave" she said, "It's just so nice!"

"It's okay Lilly" he answered "that's what you're supposed to do, you can yell and scream as much as you want because no one can hear us"

He put his finger into her and she gasped in pleasure "does that hurt at all?" He asked concerned

"No" she smiled "how many fingers was that

"One" he responded, "Do you want two?"

"Yes please" she begged

"Okay, tell me if this hurts" Dave pushed his index and his middle finger into her wet, hot pussy. Lilly hissed in pain "I'm sorry" Dave stopped immediately "are you okay?"

"Yeah" Lilly answered "its okay, go on"

Dave did as he was told and put both fingers up as far as they would go

"Wow" Lilly giggled, "What are you going to do next?"

"I'm going to lick you out, Lilly" he smiled "you'll love this"

Dave went down to Lilly's clit and tapped his tongue against it again and again until she screamed in immense pleasure

"What was that?" Lilly asked, slightly concerned "was that supposed to happen?"

"Lilimay Rimmer" Dave announced, "that was your first orgasm, it's completely natural" he smiled at her "how did it feel?"

"Wonderful" Lilly answered, "I'm so happy!"

Now the only thing left for them was sex, full penetrative sex. Dave took a sip of water before lying on top of her

"Now are you sure about this, Lilly?" he asked her "I am married remember, and I'm not leaving Kriss to be with you"

"Never been so sure of anything in my life" Lilly assured him "this is exactly what I want, go on take my virginity"

"Okay" Dave agreed "but beware, I'm big"

Dave took hold of Lilly's hand and squeezed it as he entered her. Lilly gasped in a mixture of pain and pleasure as she naturally pushed herself towards him

"Are you okay" Dave asked about half an hour into it

"Yes" Lilly let out "this is fantastic"

"Do you want me to go faster?"

"Yes" Lilly screamed "faster, faster"

"Oh" Dave exclaimed "oh Lilly"

"Oh, Dave" Lilly returned "fuck me fuck me Dave"

Dave fucked Lilly hard and fast, she had six orgasms and still wanted more.

"Dave" Lilly exclaimed "oh Dave, Dave, Dave"

"Oh, Lilly, I'm going to come" Dave yelled "oh Lilly, Lilly"

Dave ejaculated millions of live fertile sperm into Lilly's fertile virgin womb

"Wow" Lilly exclaimed, "We have to do that again"

"Don't worry" Dave sighed, "we will"

Lilly and Dave laid on the bed together. Dave thought about what he had done. Finally Dave had got one up on Arnold and there was noting Arnold could do to top this

"What are you going to do?" Dave asked Lilly "are you going to tell your parents?"

"Oh" Lilly thought about it "no, they'd kill me for just having sex, I can't imagine what they would do if they found out it was with you"

"Okay" Dave answered "that's probably for the best!"

"Are you going to tell Kriss?" Lilly asked

"No I'm not" Dave responded, "she'd stop me seeing the kids, and I do love her"

"I thought you loved me!"

"I love you both"

"Wow" Lilly giggled, "You're really good"

"I know" Dave responded

"You lasted so long," Lilly told him "it was amazing"

"I could have lasted longer but I didn't want you to get to saw

"I'm not saw"

"It's not morning yet"

"How long do you normally last?"

"The longest ever was three hours"

"Three hours?"

"Yeah"

"Who was that with?"

"Kriss, last week"

"Wow…"

"I've got to go" Dave interrupted "I'll see you in the morning"


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

Dave crept back into his room and saw Kriss' lovely, perfect body lying on the bed with her back to him

"Where have you been?" Kriss asked him "I've been worried sick"

"Just thinking" Dave responded "just thinking"

"What were you thinking about?" Kriss' voice was starting to soften

"You my love" Dave responded "you and me"

"So did you come to any conclusions while you were thinking about us?" Kriss giggled

"Yes" Dave announced, "can we have another baby?"

Dave prepared himself for what was coming next, he thought Kriss was going to be hesitant but she wasn't

"Dave" she responded, "That would make me the happiest woman ever"

"Okay" Dave kissed her "let's try now"

So they did, they had sex, wonderful, amazing, sensual sex that lasted for four hours. Amazing, wonderful, sensual sex that beat Dave's previous record. Afterwards they just laid together and kissed

"I love you Krissie" Dave promised, "You know that don't you!"

"Yeah" Kriss responded, "I love you too!"

The next morning Dave and Lilly did their best to be as normal as possible. It worked to a certain extent Kriss didn't notice anything was different and neither did Yvonne or Arnold but Jemimah knew something had happened but it didn't even occur to her that they'd slept together.

Chloë had a bit of a hangover, but nothing Kriss yelling at her couldn't cure. Chloë stopped acting the hard-done-by child and just got on with it. Chloë was too dazed to notice anything different between Lilly and Dave.

They all sat round the huge table while Kryten served them all piping hot full English breakfast. Dave had curry sauce on top but everyone else had it the normal way.

"Right" Jemimah asked Lilly after breakfast "what's happened between you and Dave?"

"Nothing" Lilly answered "nothing at all?"

"Where were you last night?" Jemimah asked

"No where"

"C'mon Lilly, I'm not stupid, I wasn't born yesterday. You were somewhere with Dave, now what happened?"

"Nothing, we just talked"

"Oh yeah"

"I promise you, that's all"

"Okay" but Jemimah wasn't convinced. She knew something had happened, but she wasn't sure what.

Dave approached Lilly at lunch. He'd thought about it and decided that just sleeping with Lilly wasn't enough; he wanted to take this one step further he wanted to get her pregnant!

"Hello sexy" he whispered in her ear "how about we do it again?"

"Do what?" Lilly asked innocently

"Have sex" Dave reminded her

"Okay" Lilly agreed "when?"

"After lunch!"

Lilly and Dave had sex lots of times in every position Lilly had heard of and more. After the sixth time Lilly was so saw she was bleeding heavily

"Wow" she gasped, "that was lovely"

"I'm sorry" Dave hugged Lilly "I didn't mean to make you bleed"

"It's okay" Lilly answered, "I really enjoyed it"

"Okay" Dave got up and got dressed "I've gotta go, see you later"

This really hurt Lilly, he hadn't done this last time, he had waited with her, hugged her held her. This time he'd just walked off. Lilly got dressed, curled up into a ball and cried. Lilimay Rimmer suddenly realised why Dave Lister, the man of her dreams, was sleeping with her. He was just using Lilly to get back at her father. Well, that was it; Lilly was angry, very angry. Dave had ruined her life. Suddenly it hit her. She could hurt Dave like Dave had hurt her. All she had to do was tell Kriss, it was so simple even Cat would have thought of it. She decided to go and tell her now.

Lilly made her way to Kriss and Dave's room. she was going to knock but she heard noises coming from the room, a sort of moaning. Lilly recognised one of the voices, but she couldn't quite remember where from. Quietly she pushed open the door and stood there and watched. She now knew where she had heard the noises before; it was two hours ago, when Dave was fucking her, not Kriss. Lilly stood there and watched Kriss and Dave for half an hour before Dave came in Kriss and they both rolled over and saw Lilly. Both of them pulled the sheets over themselves.

"Well, that's pointless, Dave" Lilly announced "I've seen it all before"

"What?" Kriss asked, "What is she talking about?"

Dave didn't have anything to say to this, he couldn't' think of anything to say to get him out of this mess, he couldn't think of a believable excuse or anything so he decided to let Lilly tell Kriss.

"Go on" Lilly shouted "ask him where he was last night and this afternoon"

"Where were you Dave?" Kriss asked, "What were you doing"

Dave looked at Lilly "go on" he hissed "finish what you started"

"He was with me" Lilly told her "we've been sleeping together! I'm sorry Kriss"

Kriss' bottom jaw dropped like a stone and tears formed in her eyes

"Get out" she muttered through gritted teeth

"What?" Dave asked

"Get out" she shouted. Lilly turned to leave "no Lilly" Kriss stopped her "stay"

Kriss put her white towelling dressing gown on and sat on the bed

"Lilly" Kriss asked "are you sure that what you said about Dave is true?"

"Yes" Lilly replied, "of course I am"

"Come on Lilly" Kriss suggested, "I know you've got a crush on Dave"

"Are you calling me a liar?"

"No" Kriss assured her "I just think your imagination has gone into overdrive"

"So you don't believe me?"

"I'm sorry Lilly, but no I don't"

Lilly's eyes filled with tears and she ran out of the room. Dave walked back in, he had heard everything that Kriss and Lilly had said to each other and saw this as a chance to get back in with Kriss

"I'm sorry about that" Dave sighed "silly girl eh?"

"Why did you let her tell me that?" Kriss asked

"I was interested in what she had to say" Dave replied

"But why would she say that?"

"You know she's got a crush on me, maybe she thinks if we split up I'll go to her"

"But you're nearly forty"

"Yeah, thanks for reminding me"

"She's sixteen, why would you go with her?"

"I don't know"


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

Lilly kept out of Kriss and Dave's way. Since Dave had yelled at her for telling Kriss and laughed at the fact that Kriss didn't believe her Lilly didn't want to see him. Six weeks passed and slowly but surely Lilly managed to join them for mealtimes and not make up silly excuses.

Kriss walked to the medibay, thinking, was she pregnant? She though about what if would mean if she was. on one hand it would be wonderful. It had been five years since she last did the whole baby thing with Izzy and Damien and she loved having new babies. But on the other hand that would be eight children, eight. Kriss decided not to worry about it, just take the test and see what came of it.

Lilly was already in the medibay searching for a pregnancy test. When she heard Kriss coming she hid in a cupboard. It was the only cupboard that Lilly hadn't looked in and low and behold there they were. Lilly picked one up and put it in her pocket. Then the door opened

"Lilly" Kriss gasped, "You made me jump"

"Sorry" Lilly smiled

"What are you doing in the cupboard?" Kriss asked

"I'm playing hide and seek" Lilly lied "with Blaize and Caleb"

"Okay" Kriss took a pregnancy test out "see you later!"

Lilly waited until she was absolutely sure that Kriss had gone before emerging from the cupboard and going to the toilet in the medibay. Lilly sat down and opened the packaging. She read the instructions and did the test. The thirty-second wait seemed like the longest thirty seconds of Lilly's life but she watched the tiny window like a hawk and cried when she saw the result

"Pregnant?" she muttered to herself "I can't be, I'm only sixteen"

Kriss had exactly the same result; the only difference was that Kriss was very happy with it

"I'm pregnant, Dave" she announced "we're having that baby you wanted"

"That's wonderful news" Dave's smile beamed on his face "how do you feel about it?"

"Wonderful" Kriss answered, "I feel alive again"

"Let's go and announce it now" Dave jumped up "come on"

Dave made the announcement and Kryten got out apple juice for Kriss and the kids and champagne for everyone else.

"Where's Lilly?" Chloë asked, "She should be here"

As if on cue Lilimay Rimmer flung open the door, she was clutching something in her hands, a little white stick. She marched over to where Kriss and Dave were sitting and slammed it down on the table. They both looked at it, it was a pregnancy test, a positive pregnancy test.

"Do you believe me now Kriss?" she asked "can you see what your husband did to me?"

"I'm sorry Lilly" Kriss broke down "I'm so sorry"

Yvonne and Arnold ran over to the table and looked at the test. They didn't' say a word, just stared at it; it took a while to sink in.

"What have you done Lilly?" Dave asked, "You stupid whoar, you should be ashamed of yourself"

"She's sixteen" Kriss yelled, "You're the one who should be ashamed"

"You slept with my daughter, you slept with Lilimay?" Arnold asked "how could you, what did you want?"

Lilly broke down in tears and slid down the wall, Chloë went and hugged her but there was nothing she could do to stop Lilly's tears. Chloë wanted to help but didn't' know how. She decided that the best thing to do was to just be there for her.

"Dave" Kriss whispered, "Let's talk about this alone"

"Okay" Dave agreed "let's go now"


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

Kriss walked into her room and collapsed in tears on the bed. There were so many emotions running through Kriss' brain. She was happy because she was going to have a baby, she was angry because Dave had slept with Lilly who was only sixteen, but most of all Kristine Kochanski felt hurt, betrayed and distraught

"Dave" Kriss sobbed, "Why did you do it?"

"To get back at Rimmer," Dave answered, "for sleeping with you"

"Hold on" Kriss asked "you have thrown our marriage away because of something that happened six years ago?"

"I couldn't just let it lie" Dave insisted, "I needed to do something, I couldn't just let Rimmer win"

"You mean your stupid male pride has resulted in two of us getting pregnant and the end of our marriage"

"I have not ended our marriage" Dave protested

"Yes you have" Kriss yelled "you ended our marriage the moment you got into bed with Lilimay"

"But what…"

"Leave" Kriss demanded, "Get out of my room!"

"But what about the baby"

"This is my baby, not yours, you will have nothing to do with it"

"Why not?"

"You are not this child's father, you are just a sperm donor, a bit of fun, just sex, I pray that this child is a girl and looks exactly Chloë and Izzy and me!"

Dave started packing his bags and all the children walked in, Chloë, Llewey, Jim-Bexley, Alicia, Theo, Damien and Izzy

"What's happening, Dad?" Llewey asked, "Where are you going?"

"Dave's been having an affair," Chloë announced

"What's an affair, Mummy?" Izzy asked innocently"

"Daddy's been very naughty" Kriss announced "and be quiet Chloë!"

"Please Mum" Alicia begged, "Let him stay!"

"No" Kriss answered, "He's not staying!"

"But why Mummy?" Damien asked, "Why can't he stay?"

"Daddy doesn't love you anymore!"

Dave looked at Kriss, the hurt in his eyes was obvious "Kriss…" he started "Dave, if you loved any of us you wouldn't have done what you did"

"Don't you love us Dad?" Jim-Bexley asked "why not?"

"Your Mum's wrong" Dave answered, "I do love you, all of you"

"No you don't" Chloë shouted "if you loved us you wouldn't have made Lilimay cry!"

There wasn't much Dave could say to that, so he didn't, he just stood there. Eight years of marriage down the shoot because of one silly mistake

"I'm so glad we didn't officially get married, it's so much easier to get rid of you like this"

Kriss threw her engagement ring and her wedding ring at him, they hit him on the chest and fell to the ground. Dave just looked at them, all that he went through to get them. What a waste of two gorgeous looking rings

"Can I still see the kids?" Dave asked, hopeful

"There's nothing to say that they're yours" Kriss pointed out spitefully

"But what about Llewey, Jim-Bexley and Damien"

"What about them?"

"They're black" Dave insisted, "They couldn't possibly be Rimmer's"

"There's always the Cat"

Dave simply shook his head and walked out, he couldn't believe Kriss could be so cruel and heartless as to say that in front of their boys. Would they believe what Kriss had said? He knew that Llewey, Jim-Bexley and Damien couldn't possibly be Cat's. He knew for a fact that Cat wouldn't do that to him, or did he? Dave didn't know anything anymore, except that he loved Kriss and the kids, he screwed up bad. Then something occurred to him, Rimmer would get something from this, a grandchild, he knew that Rimmer would love the baby however it came about, he needed something else, he needed to find something to hurt Kriss though, and Lilimay. Then it came to him, who played a major importance in everyone's life? Lilly's mother, Rimmer's wife, Kriss' best friend… Yvonne McGruder. What could he do though? He couldn't sleep with her – she wouldn't touch him with a bargepole – there was only one thing to do, KILL HER.

Lilimay and Yvonne sat on Lilly's bed talking, talking about Dave, talking about the baby and just generally chatting away.

"I'm keeping it, Mum!" Lilly announced, "I'm not getting rid of it, you can't make me!"

"Okay, okay" Yvonne assured her "what about Dave?"

"This baby is mine" Lilly protested, " Dave is having nothing to do with it"

There was a light tap on the door and it opened, the old metal rubbed together and squeaked loudly as it slid open and Kristine Kochanski walked in

"if you want me to leave, I will" she promised "but I'd like to chat with you Lilly!"

"Do you want me to stay?" Yvonne asked, "I can if you want!"

"Its okay, Mum" Lilly smiled "I'll talk to Kriss!"

"I'm sorry, Yvonne" Kriss announced, "I'm so sorry!"

"It's okay" Yvonne hugged Kriss "you're as much a victim in this as Lilimay is!"

"Thank you" Kriss smiled "I'm so glad you feel that way"

"Kriss" Yvonne took her hands "I don't blame you at all, you don't control Dave, and you didn't tell him to sleep with Lilimay. I know you, Krissie; you're my best friend"

"Thank you"

With that Yvonne waved at Lilly and left

"What about you Lilly?" Kriss asked, "Do you forgive me?"

"Yeah" Lilly answered, "I'm sorry for all the nasty things I said to you"

"Its okay" Kriss hugged her "don't worry about it!"

"Thank you" Lilly answered

"What about baby?"

"I'm keeping it"

"Okay, good for you"

"I want a girl, Billie-Jean."

"That's a nice name!"

"What about you Kriss?"

"I'm keeping it too, I don't mind what I have, but I've decided to call it Callum or Lorena"

"What about Dave?"

"He's not having anything to do with my baby"

"Mine neither"

"I'll help you with the baby"

"Are you sure?"

"Oh, absolutely" Kriss promised "anything you need to know, just ask, I am the expert!"

"Yeah" Lilly smiled "five pregnancies, seven children, I'm sure you are

"No" Kriss patted her tummy "six pregnancies"


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

Dave needed a way to kill Yvonne, something that would kill her, but that he could do without anyone realising and stopping him. How could he do it? There was strangulation, or stabbing but that was ugly and what if one of the kids found her, Chloë, or Theo? He could not put either of them through that, then it hit him, the luck virus, it was known that if you had too much it would have the opposite effect and there could be severe consequences, maybe that could result in death. Marvellous. He had his crime; he had his method, now all he had to do was commit the crime and fast. He grabbed the virus and skipped off down the corridor no one would have known that Dave Lister had murder in mind.

On the way he had to go past Kriss' room, he stood outside the door contemplating whether to grab a few seconds with his children, he missed them all like mad, even Chloë and Theo, he decided to try. He didn't even knock; he just opened the door and walked in the picture that met his eyes made tears form. He saw before him a wonderful family. Chloë was sitting on the floor playing with her dolls. Llewey and Jim-Bexley were playing together with their Lego. Alicia was playing with her baby doll. Theo was sitting on his mat playing with cars. Izzy was playing with her pony toys and Damien was trying to play with Theo.

Dave collapsed onto his knees in tears. The room went completely silent; all you could hear was Dave's sobs and howls.

"Stop it Dave" Kriss yelled, "You're making a scene"

"Please let me come back," Dave begged, "I'm sorry, I love you all!"

"No you don't Dave" Kriss corrected him "you love having us, that's completely different!"

"Kriss" Dave pleaded, "I do love you, I love you, I love Chloë, I love Llewey, I love Jim-Bexley, I love Alicia, I love Theo, I love Izzy, I love Damien and I love our new baby too"

"You are not worming your way back in David Lister, you said good bye the moment you slept with Lilimay"

"But Krissie"

"No! Stop it, I don't even want you on the ship"

"So I can't even see the children any more, please don't do that Kriss, please"

"You can stay on the ship but one more problem and you're off!"


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

There was one drink that Yvonne loved, apple juice. No one else wanted it; no one else liked it, just Yvonne. Therefore it was perfect, Dave could put the virus into Yvonne's apple juice and hope for the worst. Dave saw an opened carton and poured tow tubes of the luck virus into the carton and put it back in the fridge.

About half an hour went by, Dave sat in what were now his quarters and waited, and waited. Eventually Yvonne came back from playing with Matty and downed the whole carton.

"That tasted weird" Yvonne said quietly to herself. She thought nothing of it though, it had been open and in the fridge for a long time, she just carried on as usual, taking care of her children and making sure that Lilimay was okay. It took three hours for the virus to take effect. Suddenly Yvonne felt sick; she threw up her last meal and quickly became dehydrated. She collapsed onto the floor but at the time three-year-old Matty was the only one in the room with her and there was nothing little Matty could do.

Cat was passing and heard little Matty's cries

"What's up Matty Matthew? Cat asked as he walked into the room

"Mummy's poorly" Matty cried "help her please"

"Okay Matty Matthew" Cat promised, "I'll help you"

Cat ran over to Yvonne and helped her up. She wasn't very steady on her feet. She was wobbly and couldn't' walk in a straight line. Cat filled up the biggest glass he could find and made Yvonne drink it.

"I think you need to go to the medi bay" Cat suggested, "You don't look well"

"I don't feel well" Yvonne agreed, "I think you're right"

"I'll come with you" Cat offered, "we'll take Matty Matthew too!"

The walk from Yvonne and Arnold's room to the medibay took them down corridors and over metal bridges. They were making their way across one of the bridges when Cat heard squeaking and turned around. Panic hit him as he saw the bridge shake

"Yvonne, Matty Matthew, be careful" he called as he put his hands out. Matty was close enough to grab Cat's hands before the bridge gave way, but Yvonne wasn't. Cat put Matty down and reached out for Yvonne but it was too late. The section of the bridge gave way and Yvonne fell backwards and crashed to the floor.

"Mummy" Matty called "mummy's gone!"

Cat didn't know what to say or do with Matty. He didn't' want to look in case it was bad news and he didn't want Matty to see Yvonne in a bad way. Cat heard the metal door shriek below, it was Chloë and Lilimay. Cat prayed that Yvonne was okay and crept with Matty across the bridge and into the medibay.

"Mum" Lilimay screamed "Mum, are you okay?"

"Lilly" Chloë called "there's nothing you can do, just leave her"

"No, Chloë" Lilly snapped, "I can't just leave her, she's hurt"

"Lilly" Chloë put her hands on Lilly's shoulders "she's dead, Lilly, there's nothing you can do!"

Lilimay stepped back and stared at her mother's dead body. Blood was pouring out of the back of her head and her eyes were fixed open.

"She's dead?" Lilimay asked, "She can't be!"

"She's fallen from up there!" Chloë pointed up at the broken bridge "there's nothing anyone could have done, she would have died instantly, just pure bad luck!"


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

Arnold was happily in the science room showing Theo his collection of 20th century telegraph poles totally oblivious to the fact that his wife was lying dead in the cargo bay. He was thinking about Kriss, he stared into Theo's blue eyes and remembered Kriss, remembered their time together, their love, their hugs, their kisses, their sex…

"Dad" Lilly called, interrupting Arnold's trail of thought "it's Mum"

"Lilimay Rimmer!" Arnold shouted "I'm spending time with Theo…"

"Dad!" Chloë screamed

"Don't interrupt me Chloë Rimmer-Kochanski" Arnold was getting really angry "I'm spending time with your brother"

"Dad, mum is dead" Lilimay screamed "in the cargo bay"

Arnold didn't say a word he just ran. Lilimay Chloë and Theo had never seen him run so fast. By the time Arnold got there Kriss and Kryten had found her too. Kriss ran over to Arnold as soon as she saw him. Her face was tearstained and she was on the verge of crying again.

"I'm sorry Arnold" Kriss broke down "but, Yvonne…"

"It's okay Kriss!" Arnold interrupted "I know!"

"How do you know?" Kriss asked, "Who told you?"

"Lilimay and Chloë!"

"Chloë?"

"Yeah"

"Our Chloë?"

"How many Chloë's are there?"

"When did you see her?"

"Just now"

"Where is she?"

"In the science room with Lilimay and Theo!"

"Theo? Has he seen Yvonne?"

"No, but he knows!"

"Do you know where the other's are?"

"Matty" Arnold started to panic "he was with Yvonne, where is he now?"

"I haven't seen him, sorry Arnold!"

There was loud singing and a loud giggle as Llewey and Jim-Bexley made an appearance. Kriss ran over to the boys and quietened them down

"What's wrong Mum?" Llewey asked, "Why do we need to be quiet?"

"I'm afraid Yvonne has just died" Kriss sighed, "I need you to do me a favour!"

"Of course mum" Jim-Bexley apologised "what ever you want"

"I need you to find Blaize, Caleb and Matty, and bring them here" Kriss pulled her twin sons' faces towards her and looked into their eyes "but you must not tell them about Yvonne, let Arnold do that"

"What do we tell them if they ask?" Llewey asked "and what about Junior and Jemimah?"

"Yeah" Kriss answered, "Just tell them that Arnold needs to see them"

Llewey and Jim-Bexley did as they were told. By the time they came back with Jemimah, Junior, Blaize, Caleb and Matty Yvonne's body had been taken away. Arnold was a wreck; he couldn't bring himself together to tell the kids.

"Please Kriss" he begged "can't you tell them"

"I think it will sound better coming from you, Arnold"

"I cant' Kriss, I need someone else. Please Kriss, if you can't do it for me, do it for Yvonne"

"Okay" Kriss agreed "but we tell all of them together, mine as well, I can't go through that twice"

"Okay"

"And you'll need to be there too!"

"Okay, I will be!"

"We have some horrible news to tell you" Kriss said to all thirteen children "unfortunately Yvonne, Mummy, died today

"What happened?" Alicia asked, "How did she die?"

"She fell off a bridge" Kriss answered "and hit her head"

Little Matty got up and went over to Arnold who was crying"

"Daddy" Matty asked, "When is mummy coming home?"

Arnold broke down again "oh Matthew" he sobbed

"Why are you crying daddy?" Matty asked, "Please don't cry, mummy will be home soon, then everything will be okay!"

Arnold held his youngest son and stared into his lovely brown eyes. Somehow Arnold was able to stop himself crying long enough to tell Matty:

"Mummy's not coming home, darling" Arnold told him "she's gone to heaven to live with the angels."

"Can we see her?" Matty asked

"No darling"

"Why not?"

"Because its not allowed, but she can see you, whenever she wants to"

Matty started crying which set Arnold and Kriss off again.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

Dave knocked on the door of Kriss' quarters, when no one answered he opened the door himself. The only person in the room was Chloë, she had been sent by Kriss to find Dave so they could tell him about Yvonne

"Ah, right on time" Chloë snapped "you are wanted"

"Why?" Dave asked, "What's wrong?"

"She's dead!" Chloë wiped her tears away with the sleeve of her top "Yvonne is dead!"

"How?" Dave asked, "How did she die?"

"She fell off the bridge in the cargo bay," Chloë told him "the bridge gave way as she stepped on it!"

"Holy smeg" Dave shook his head "hard luck"

"Is that all you can say Dave?" Chloë screamed, "my stepmother is lying dead in the medibay and all you can say is 'hard luck'?"

"Well, yeah" Dave answered

"She's mum's best friend!" Chloë yelled

"So?" Dave answered, "She's not my best friend!"

"You're not bothered by this at all are you?" Chloë taunted, "You're glad she's dead!"

"Hey" Dave shouted, "I'm not glad she's dead!"

"Yes you are" Chloë hissed, "You're glad that mum and dad are hurting just like you are!"

Dave reached out to Chloë and held her by the hair "you take that back young lady or I'll hit you!"

"Go on then" Chloë replied "hit me, I'm not scared of you like last time!"

"Fine" Dave pulled back his fist and struck her on the cheek. Chloë was bleeding and in terrible pain, but she didn't care, she didn't cry or even put her hand to her cheek. She wasn't going to show her pain. That was what Dave wanted!

"I'm still not scared of you" Chloë hissed "hit me again"

"I can't" Dave said softly "Chloë, I can't hit you!"

"It's more fun when its mum you're attacking and she's cowering in the corner, isn't it"

"I'm sorry Chloë" Dave sniffed "I'm sorry"

"I hate you Dave" Chloë screamed, "I hate you!"

"Come on Chloë, Dave responded, "I've been like a father to you!"

"No you haven't" Chloë answered back "and you don't need to be, I've got my own father and he's ten times better than you are!"

"Who was there to help your mum with you when you were born eh?" Dave asked her "who changed your nappies and held you when you cried?"

"Fine, Dave" Chloë snapped "but ask yourself this, who was it who beat my mother up and left her for dead eh, you think about that"

Dave lifted his fist to Chloë and struck her lip. Chloë wanted to cry, she wanted to scream out for her mum and tell her what Dave had done to her. But Chloë knew that if she did that Kriss would be the next person to be attacked and Chloë didn't want that. Dave was still beating her, Chloë blocked out the attack by thinking about other things. Chloë remembered the first attack. She was so grateful to Kriss for probably saving her life. She then thought about the past six years. Kriss hadn't told anyone but Chloë knew that Kriss and Dave's marriage hadn't been all love and affection. Chloë thought back to certain times, when she heard screaming and crying. She remembered Alicia asking what was wrong and Kriss telling them that she'd hurt herself on the bunks or walked into a door, but Chloë knew the truth. Chloë was grateful to her mother for not letting the abuse be apparent and keeping Chloë's brothers and sisters away from it all. Chloë thought about the hell Kriss must've gone through to protect her and her siblings, and prayed that she never had to go through that.

When Chloë came back to reality she was on the floor and Dave was gone. Chloë tried to move her arm but the pain was too much. Chloë knew she couldn't give up, Dave hadn't finished, and he was looking for someone else to beat up. Who though? Alicia, Izzy, Kriss? Chloë couldn't deal with that, if Kriss were beaten up then the baby would be hurt too. That was too much, Chloë couldn't' allow that, she had to try and stop it. With this in mind Chloë found the strength in her body to get up and find everyone else before Dave did.

Chloë staggered into her room and looked in the mirror. Chloë had to do a double take because she didn't recognise herself. Her face was smeared with blood. Her hair was all knotted and her lip and both of her eyes were swollen. It hurt her to walk, it hurt her to talk, it even hurt her to breathe. But somehow she managed to get to the officer's club, where she found everyone. As she walked in Kriss' hand shot to her mouth

"Chloë" she gasped "who did this to you?"

"Dave," Chloë croaked, "he's really hurt me mum!"

"I know Chloë" Kriss responded, "I'm sorry darling"

"He can't stay mum" Chloë pleaded "get rid of him please!"

"I've left him" Kriss told her "what more can I do?"

"Send him away" Chloë pleaded "put him on Starbug and send him away before this happens again"

"How did this start Chloë?" Arnold asked, "What did you say?"

"I told him that you are a better dad than him" Chloë answered "but that doesn't mean that what he's done is right"

"No, you're right" Arnold agreed "but he doesn't like it when people say I'm better than him at anything, especially his parenting skills"

"You don't beat your stepchildren up though, do you?" Chloë asked him "you're my dad, he's not at all, he used to be, but not anymore"

"If I send Dave away" Kriss interrupted "what about the others?"

"Who?" Chloë "who are you worried about?"

"Llewey, Jim-Bexley, Alicia, Damien, Izzy and this one" Kriss rubbed her emerging bump "they need to know their father!"

"They'll be next" Chloë pleaded "or Theo"

"Chloë, I…" Kriss started

"No, mum" Chloë shouted "if you're willing to let your husband attack your children then fine, but I don't want him to be here, listen to me mum, I'm your daughter!"

"Okay" Kriss smiled "you're just like your dad in that way"

"What's that?" Chloë asked

"If there's a problem, get rid of it" Kriss joked "but I know you're right this time!"

"So what are you going to do mum?" Chloë croaked, "are you going to get rid of him?"

"Yeah" Kriss promised, "I'll ask him to leave!"


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

Dave sat on his bed in his newly found quarters thinking about what he had done, why had he hit Chloë? She hadn't done anything wrong, it was only natural for her to think that Arnold was a better father; she was his natural daughter after all. Dave knew he had blown it, there was no way Kriss would take him back now, and he started crying. Suddenly he heard a creek as the door opened and Kriss walked in.

"Pack your bags," she demanded, "you're leaving the ship"

"What?" Dave asked "why?"

"You hit Chloë and you've really hurt her" she told him "you can't get away with that!"

"I'm sorry" Dave begged, "Please let me stay! What about my children? I want to keep some of them"

"You can ask them" Kriss answered "but it's their choice, and you can't have Chloë or Theo, they're staying her with me and their father!"

One by one Kriss and Dave spoke to their children. They told them what was happening and why, they also asked the children whether they wanted to stay with their mother or go with their father. Llewey and Jim-Bexley both said they would think about it. Alicia wanted to stay with Kriss and so did Damien and Izzy. A few days later Llewey and Jim-Bexley had made their decision

"Mum, dad" Llewey called "we'd like to talk to you both"

Kriss and Dave sat down on Jim-Bexley's bunk ready to listen to their identical twin boys

"What is it?" Kriss asked, "Have you decided what you want to do?"

"Yes" Jim-Bexley answered, "we know that one of you will be really upset"

"Don't worry about us" Dave said "just do what you think is best!" Dave couldn't wait, he was almost a hundred percent sure that his twin boys would come with him. They weren't very close with Kriss but very close to Dave, Jim-Bexley especially. Kriss knew this and she knew that she was about to loose her two eldest sons to abusive husband. She wasn't very happy about it but would go along with it after all she'd sooner they be happy with Dave than miserable with her so as long as they were happy she'd let them go.

"Mum" Llewey started "we'd like to go with dad"

"But" Jim-Bexley added, "If we change our mind can we come home?"

"Of course you can" Kriss promised "you can come and see me whenever you want"

"Good" Llewey smiled "because we'd like to see the new baby"

"Okay" Kriss smiled "remember there's seven months until baby comes"

"We'd like to see you once a month" Jim-Bexley told her "is that okay"

"Sure" Kriss smiled "I do love you both, y'know"

"We know mum" Llewey smiled "we love you too!"

Arnold wanted to see this man, the man who had fertilized one of his daughters and beat up the other one. The anger in him was obvious as he glided down the corridor. Then he saw him, his once best friend, with that Dave Lister smug grin on his face. Arnold was blinded with rage

"Hey Rimmer" Dave smiled "everything okay?"

"No" Arnold screamed, "You have ruined both of my daughters' lives"

"What?" Dave asked "no I haven't"

"You slept with Lilimay" Arnold screamed

"Yeah" Dave taunted, "I know, she was good y'know, warm and new"

"Shut up" Arnold snapped

"I've never had a virgin before"

"Shut up"

"It was great, a real turn on, pure and innocent, perfect"

"Shut up"

"I put my fingers on her clit and she gasped, made her moan Rimmer. Your precious little daughter and I made her moan!"

"Shut up"

"Then I put my fingers in her pussy and she begged for more!"

"Shut up!"

"Then I licked her out and she orgasmed, she begged for more again"

"Shut up"

"Then I fucked her"

"Shut up"

"She said there was nothing she wanted more than my fat cock inside her, so I rammed it into her and she bled"

"Shut up"

"She wanted it though, she naturally pushed herself towards me, she was loving it!"

"Shut up"

"She wanted it faster, she screamed at me until I was going as fast as I could"

"Shut up!"

"I gave her six orgasms!"

"Shut up"

"Then I came and she told me that she wanted it again!"

"Shut up"

"Good fuck though, just like her mother!"

"You bastard! You leave Yvonne out of this"

"I remember it clearly, I remember her voice 'oh Dave' she yelled 'you're so much better than Arnold"

"Well that's not what Kriss told me." Arnold replied, "She said your cock was a lot smaller than mine, didn't even fill her up, and after having Chloë she could hardly feel anything there"

Dave didn't know what to say to this, he knew that this was all true, Kriss had even told him, but what could he do to Arnold now. Suddenly he knew, Chloë, he could brag about Chloë

"Chloë was asking for it too!" Dave shouted, "She was asking to be hit"

"You take that back!" Arnold yelled, "she's only ten, she's not like that!"

"How would you know? You've hardly been around for her; she's been a burden to you. I loved her"

"Oh yeah, you loved her so much that you attack her when she was four, who in their right mind attacks a poor defenceless four year old girl? And who in their right mind attacks her mother in front of her"

"I was the one who was there for Chloë when she was new, you were out getting drunk and bragging about sex with Kristine Kochanski"

"I didn't know how to cope"

"Well I managed it, Rimmer, and I wasn't even her father!"

"You just did that to get Kristine into bed, you didn't love Chloë, you just wanted to split me and Kriss up. You never loved Chloë at all, to be honest I'll be surprised if you loved any of your children"

"I did love Chloë, I was there for her"

"No, you were there for Kriss, you weren't there for Chloë, you wanted Kriss and you saw this as your only way to get her, all that 'oh Chloë's a part of you I'll love her like I love you'. It was bollocks. All designer bollocks"

"I do love Chloë, she's my children's sister and I do love my children, all of them"

"I bet you couldn't name all of them, Lister"

"Yes I can"

"Prove it!"

"I shouldn't have to"

"You don't know do you"

"Okay, okay, Llewey, Jim-Bexley, Damien, Isabelle, there you are, there's the names of my children!"

"You forgot Alicia!"

"Oh" Dave didn't know what to say to this, he couldn't think of a reason why he'd forget about Alicia, he did love her"

"I've got a lot of children" Dave screamed, "You can't expect me to name them all! I bet you couldn't!"

"Jemimah, Lilimay, Junior, Chloë, Theo, Blaize Caleb and Matthew and Jemimah isn't even my biological daughter!"

"I hate you Rimmer!" Dave screamed "you stole my girlfriend twice and you impregnated her with her first baby, I'm supposed to do that!"

"You stole my daughter, and impregnated her with her first baby, she should have had time to find a proper boyfriend not a forty year old man looking for revenge"

"Worked though, didn't it"

"What?"

"I got back at you didn't I? Managed to get my revenge"

"I'm not that petty, Lister, at the end of the day I'm going to have a lovely grandchild and you will have nothing to do with Lilly's baby or Kriss baby, you were just a sperm donor"

This comment sent Dave into a rage, he hit out at Arnold many times, Arnold fought back as much as he could and they both had bruises all over themselves. Junior and Llewey caught them and stopped them, but they were both quite hurt.

"What has been going on dad?" Llewey asked, "Why are you fighting with Arnold?"

"He started it" Dave responded, "He said I was just a sperm donor for your mum's new baby"

"That is what she said, dad" Llewey reminded him "the other day, she said that!"

Arnold decided to just walk away. He knew Dave was going through a bad time what with Kriss leaving him and he knew that he was going through a bad time too, seeing as his wife had just died. Arnold knew that if he stayed with Dave he would say or do something he regretted, and he couldn't' do that. He walked away and prayed that it would all work itself out. After all Dave was leaving the ship soon and would only be back once a month, really Arnold had nothing to worry about. He decided to focus his attention on Lilimay, help her with whatever he could and ask Kriss to help with things he couldn't' manage, he needed to be a good father now, to all of them, because apart from Llewey and Jim-Bexley, none of them would have a father figure!


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

Seven months passed and the time came for both Kriss and Lilimay to have their babies. Lilly went into labour first with Arnold by her side. It took sixteen hours for Billie-jean Rimmer to make her way into the world. Lilly screamed in paid as she pushed Billie out but cried with joy as her baby daughter was placed in her arms. Arnold was with her every step of the way and the proud grandfather punched the air

"It's a girl" he announced "Billie-jean Rimmer"

Dave stood up and pleaded with his once best friend "can I see my daughter?"

"I'll ask Lilimay" Arnold answered "I'm not promising anything though!"

Lilly was cuddling baby Billie but also crying. Arnold walked in and saw how upset his daughter was

"What's wrong darling?" he asked, "tell me"

"I just wanted mum to be here" Lilly sobbed "I wanted her to see Billie-jean and love her like I do!"

"Your mum did love Billie-jean" Arnold promised "and so do I, she was looking forward to being a grandmother so much!"

"You promise?" Lilly asked, "You're not just saying that?"

"No" Arnold answered, "I promise"

"Thanks" Lilly smiled "I needed that"

"Dave's here, he wants to see Billie-jean"

"What did you tell him?"

"I told him that it was up to you but that I'd ask for him"

"Thanks dad"

"So what do you want me to do about Dave?"

"He can come in and see her if Kriss comes too"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah""

Arnold went back out to where everyone was waiting

"Lilimay says that Dave can come and see the baby if Kriss comes at the same time"

"a heavily pregnant Kriss got up and waddled into Lilly's room and over to her bed. Dave followed displaying that smug git grin that Arnold hated

"Let's see her then" Kriss smiled "she's gorgeous Lilly, well done!"

"Thanks Kriss" Lilly smiled "do you want to hold her?"

"Yes please" Kriss answered "I'll hold her while you talk to Dave"

Kriss took Billie-jean and waddled into the medibay with her.

"Dave" Lilly called "I would like to discuss our daughter"

"Okay" Dave answered, "I'm listening"

"Do you want to see Billie then?"

"Yeah" Dave told her, "of course I do"

"Okay" Lilimay sat up "this is what I'm prepared to do!"

"Go on" Dave answered "I'm willing to consider anything"

"you bring Llewey and Jim-Bexley here every month to see Kriss, don't you?

"Yeah"

"Once a month, when you bring the boys to see their mum you can spend half an hour with Billie-jean, but either me or Arnold will be with you, I can't trust you to be alone with her!"

"Okay" Dave agreed, "I'm happy with that!"

"Okay" Lilly smiled "go and get Kriss back with Billie-jean and you can have a hold"

Dave didn't get a hold of Billie-jean. Kriss came into the room still holding Billie-jean

"Krissie darling" Dave started "something's happened, your trousers are soaking"

"I know" Kriss hissed as she handed Billie-jean over to Lilimay "my waters have broken!"

"My god" Dave shouted "onto the bed"

There wasn't time to get Lilimay and Billie-jean out of the room, within the hour Kriss new baby girl was born. Dave was with her throughout

"Wow Kristine" he shouted "she looks just like you and Chloë and Izzy"

"She's beautiful" Kriss smiled "just gorgeous"

"She's just like you" Dave told her "can we call her Emily?"

"No" Kriss responded, "Her name is Lorena"

"Lorena Lister?" Dave laughed, "That sound horrible"

"Well it's a good job that's not her name then isn't it!" Kriss spat "her name is Lorena Kochanski, you are not her father, you are having nothing to do with Lorena, she's mine, just mine"

"But, Kriss" Dave started "I love her, she's my daughter, I'll never ever hurt her"

"You said that about me and Chloë"

"Yeah I know"

"Why Dave, why are you hurting us?"

"I don't know, I wanted to get my own back on Rimmer!"

"By hurting Chloë?"

"I'm sorry"

"It's not Chloë's fault that Arnold's her dad, she didn't ask to be born"

"I know, she says she hates me"

"To be honest, Dave I'm not surprised, you know how close we are , why did you beat both of us up, you can't have beaten me up to get back at Arnold"

"I was jealous Kriss, I'm sorry"

"Jealous? Why?"

"Because you and Chloë have got such a strong bond, you're so close, a lot closer than you are with the others and…"

"Chloë's not yours"

"Well, yeah"

"You are pathetic Dave Lister, you hurt a young child because you are jealous, get out, Dave" Kriss screamed "leave us alone"


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

Dave decided to let Lorena go, if she'd have been a boy he would have fought for her, but she was a girl and he didn't want girls. After all he knew he was her father and so did Kriss, he didn't worry too much, he had Llewey and Jim-Bexley now. That wasn't enough though, he wanted his boys, all of them he'd always wanted three lovely boys. Now he had them he wasn't going to let them go. He had Llewey and Jim-Bexley on his side now he wanted Damien too. Seven months had passed since the last time he asked him to come live with him and during the last seven months Izzy and Damien had turned six. Dave got up and started looking for Damien. Thankfully he found him straight away he was with Izzy.

"Hey son" Dave smiled "can we have a chat?"

"Sure" Damien answered, "see you later Izzy"

"Bye Damien" Izzy answered "bye dad" Dave didn't say goodbye back he simply ignored her. Izzy just walked away, she knew her father didn't love her this just proved it!

"What's this about dad?" Damien asked, "Are you okay"

"Sure" Dave answered, "I'd just like to ask you something"

"What is it dad?" Damien asked

"Do you miss Llewey and Jim-Bexley when they come with me?"

"Yes" Damien answered "very much"

"Why don't you come and live with me Llewey and Jim-Bexley, eh, all the Lister boys together, we don't need girls getting in the way"

"What about Mum?"

"You can see her once a month when Llewey and Jim-Bexley do"

"Okay" Damien agreed "but what if I change my mind?"

"Then you can come back whenever you want"

"Okay dad, I'll tell mum then"

"What about Theo and your sisters?"

"Actually can you tell mum, and I'll tell Chloë, Alicia, Theo and Izzy"

"Okay" Dave agreed

Dave went to Kriss' straight away to boast about Damien. He wasn't quite sure how he was going to tell her, he wanted to be nasty to her, do something that would really hurt her. Suddenly as Dave walked into the room he knew exactly what to say. He saw Kriss and Chloë spending some time together that got Dave really angry.

"What are you doing here Dave?" Chloë asked "go away, mum doesn't want you here"

"It's alright Chloë" Kriss assured her "don't worry" Kriss got up and went over to Dave

"Spending some quality time with the favourite child are we?" Dave asked sarcastically

"Don't Dave" Kriss pleaded "it's your fault she's in the state she's in, she needs time with me"

"I've come to collect Damien's things" Dave interrupted, paying no attention to what Kriss had said about Chloë "can I go to his room?"

"Why do you need Damien's stuff?" Kriss asked, "You've got Llewey and Jim-Bexley, not Damien"

"Haven't you heard?" Dave asked, "Damien's coming with me too!"

"Why?" Kriss panicked "when was this decided?"

"About half an hour ago"

"Where is he?"

"Telling the kids"

"Chloë stay here with Lorena, I'm going to have a word with Damien"

"No, mum" Chloë pleaded "don't leave me alone with him"

"Please, Chloë love" Kriss answered "stay here with Lorena, Dave wont hurt you"

Kriss ran out of the room in search of her youngest son. She didn't want to loose Damien, not just for her but for Izzy too. They're twins, they shouldn't be separated.

Chloë didn't look at Dave; she just sat there and read her book. After a little while Dave couldn't take it any more he had to say something.

"Scared of me then are we?" Dave sneered cruelly "couldn't bear to leave mummy?"

"Shut up" Chloë snapped "scum"

"Oh" Dave laughed "fighting talk from the ten year old"

"I'm eleven actually" Chloë corrected him "funny how you remember Damien's birthday but not mine"

"You're not my daughter"

"Nice, what happened to 'I've been like a father to you?"

"You made your feelings quite clear"

"That doesn't mean you disown me"

"You haven't answered my question"

"Which was?"

"Are you scared of me?"

"No, Dave, I'm not scared of you, why would you like me to be?"

"No, it's just you asked your mother not to leave you, why do that if you're not scared!"

"Couldn't be bothered with it tonight"

"Fine"

"Why have you asked Damien to come with you and not Izzy or Alicia?"

"I need my boys together"

"Yeah, but what about Alicia and Izzy, they're yours too"

"They're not my boys, and someone needs to stay with your mother"

Chloë just shook her head "get out Dave" she demanded "just get out"


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

"Why?" Kriss asked hurtfully "why do you want to go with your father?"

"It's not just dad" Damien answered, "it's Llewey and Jim-Bexley too"

"Why?" Kriss asked, "You see them once a month anyway"

"I miss them mum" Damien confessed, "They're my brothers"

"You've got Theo"

"He hates me, mum, he never plays with me and he says he's not my brother! Llewey and Jim-Bexley always include me in what they're doing, they never tell me that they hate me"

"Okay" Kriss smiled at her youngest son, "I'll miss you"

"I'll miss you too, mum but I need to do this"

Kriss gave Damien a hug and kiss; she healed him so tight and didn't want to let go.

"So you're okay with this?" Damien asked her "you wont be cross with me?"

"No" Kriss assured him "I'm not angry at all!"

Kriss never liked saying goodbye to her children, but this was horrible. She was loosing three children and she felt for Izzy, she was loosing her twin. Tears filled Kriss' eyes as Dave, Llewey, Jim-Bexley and Damien flew off into deep space. She could only mourn for a few minutes though because baby Lorena started crying and reality struck. She stood for a few minutes before going into motherly autopilot and feeding her baby daughter.

It was Chloë who found her father collapsed on the bed. There was nothing physically wrong with him he was just very upset

"Dad" Chloë asked, "Are you okay?"

"I just miss her so much" Arnold sobbed, "I want my wife back"

"You mean Yvonne?" Chloë asked

"Of course" Arnold snapped. Chloë's face dropped and you could see she was about to cry, "I'm sorry Chloë" Arnold apologised "I'm so sorry"

"It's okay dad" suddenly Chloë's eyes lit up. An idea was forming in her little mind "why don't you get back with mum?"

"She'd never have me"


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

Kristine sat on her bed and fed Lorena. It's amazing what thoughts spring into mind when you've got a tiny person sucking milk from your breast. Her thoughts ranged from will Chloë stay looking like her to are Llewey, Jim-Bexley and Damien doing okay with Dave to would Lorena turn out okay without a daddy but most importantly who was going to make her happy?

There was no way she would ever go back to Dave but what about Arnold? Since Yvonne's death she had seen a whole new side to him, a side that made her smile, his sweet sensitive side. The side she remembered from all those years ago when she thought he was going to die, the side she fell in love with. But was she falling in love again or was she on the rebound from Dave? She didn't want to say anything to Arnold until she was 100 sure that she wanted him again.

By this time Lorena's feed was over. She carried Lorena down to the officer's club where everyone was sitting. On the way she met Arnold coming down the corridor, their eyes met and they smiled at each other.

"Hello Arnold" Kristine stopped him "where are you off to then?"

"Just going to get Matty's blanket" he answered "you?"

"I've been giving Lorena her feed" Kristine answered "how are you feeling now, Chloë told me you were really upset?"

"Okay" Arnold responded, "I just need a hug"

"Well" Kristine smiled "if you don't mind Lorena being in the hug too, I'll give you one"

"Hey, I don't mind" Arnold smiled "as long as I get a hug"

Kristine squeezed hard on Arnold's back and held onto him. When they finally parted Kristine gave Arnold a kiss on the cheek. Arnold tried to kiss Kristine fully, on the lips, but she pulled away

"I'm sorry Kriss" he said embarrassed "I'm so sorry"

"It's okay" Kristine responded "I'll see you soon" They went their separate ways. Kristine started to talk to baby Lorena "if it wasn't for you Lorena, my darling "I would have got a nice kiss there!"

"Theo, Theo" Chloë called out to her only full sibling "I've got a marvellous idea"

"Oh dear" Theo joked, "What is it?"

"I want to get mum and dad back together again"

"Oh, okay" Theo answered "how do you plan on doing that?"

"Well I'm not quite sure yet?" Chloë giggled, "I need your help"

"Oh" Theo answered, "I knew I'd be involved somehow"

"So are you going to do it then?" Chloë asked, "are you going to help me?"

"Okay" Theo agreed reluctantly "what shall we do?"

"Just try and get them together, leave them alone, say good things about dad to mum and good things about mum to dad"

"Okay"

"And Theo…"

"Yes Chloë"

"Don't blow it"

"What do you mean?"

"Don't make it to obvious"

"Okay Chloë, I promise"

The next time Kristine knew she was going to see Arnold she made sure that baby Lorena was safely tucked up in her cot. She brushed her hair and touched up her make up, she still wasn't sure whether she wanted to be with him but she needed some reason to make her feel good.

Arnold stared at Kristin Kochanski in pure amazement, he'd never really gone off her, just found someone else who he liked that would have him, but all the time his heart was with Kristine Kochanski he loved Yvonne but no where near as much as he had loved Kristine. Arnold had been crying over Yvonne but he knew that he wanted Kristine; he knew she could make him happy and he knew he could make her happy. Kristine's beauty shone through her smile and Arnold's heart went into overdrive

"Wow" he gasped, "just, wow"

"What?" Kristine asked

"You look amazing" Arnold answered "very sexy"

"Thank you" Kristine answered, "That's made me feel really good"

"Can I take you out to dinner tonight?" he asked nervously

"I'm sorry" Kristine answered "I can't tonight, I haven't expressed any milk for Lorena"

"Oh" Arnold seemed upset

"What about tomorrow?" Kristine offered, "I'll ask Jemimah to baby-sit"

"I've promised Blaize, Caleb and Matty that I'd take them to the cinema" he sighed "but the next day is fine"

"Great" Kristine answered, "It's a date"

"Marvellous"


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

The next two days went at snails pace for Arnold. When he went to the cinema there were three films available and he made the mistake of letting the kids choose the film. So poor Arnold had to sit through 'Chicken Little' and do several toilet trips during the film. FINALLY the evening came to a close and he could go back to his warm bed ready to have a sleepless night filled with worry about the impending date. The time leading up to the date went really slowly too. He panicked several times and snapped several times at the kids. Chloë and Theo knew what was going on and gave poor Arnold as much space as possible.

When the time for the date actually arrived Kristine was relaxed but for poor Arnold it was like the first date twelve years ago

"Hey Kriss" Arnold tried to sound relaxed but failed miserably

"It's okay" Kristine giggled, "Arnold, it's me you can relax"

"Sorry" Arnold giggled

"Why are you so nervous?" Kristine asked

"I'm just worried" Arnold improvised "about the kids being alone"

"Oh" Kristine couldn't hide her disappointment "fair enough"

The rest of the meal went pretty well, unfortunately Kristine wasn't in the best of moods as she was expecting much, much more than she got from Arnold. But they made the most of what they could. After the date Arnold went to give Kristine a hug but to his surprise she leant forward and kissed him on the lips.

"Oh" Arnold exclaimed, "That's a nice surprise!"

Kristine just walked away with a massive smile on her face. She knew she wanted more but it was all a bit too quick. In a perfect world, Kristine's perfect world, they would be in bed together now, having sex, that wonderful sensual love making that she hadn't experienced for nearly eight years but it was all too quick, give her a few weeks maybe a month and Arnold wouldn't need the sexual magnetism virus, she'd be horny and she'd jump into his bed.

Arnold watched Kristine walk away, he saw her every movement and memorised it, the most wonderful thing about her was her legs, the movements they made were breath talking and wonderful

"I wish I could hold her" Arnold muttered to himself "I want to take her in my arms and never let go, I want to make wonderful love to her, sweet and so right, I want to kiss her again…"

"Go on then" a voice said from behind "if that's what's going to make you happy"

The small voice was Lilimay; since Billie-jean had been born Lilly missed her mother more than ever before. Kristine was still there to help her but it wasn't the same. Lilimay's voice of encouragement made Arnold really proud of her and he started sobbing silently.

"Are you sure Lilimay?" he just about managed to get out "what about your mum"

"She'd want you to be happy dad" Lilimay assured him "if Kriss makes you happy, then I'm sure mum would allow it!"

"What about you Lilimay" he asked, "what do you think about it?"

"if you think Kristine will make you happy, Dad, both me and Billie give you our blessings"

"Arnold smiled at his eldest biological daughter and his only granddaughter.

"How is she?" Arnold pointed at Billie and smiled

"She's okay" Lilimay answered "would you like to hold her?"

Arnold nodded and held out his arms. Lilimay handed baby Billie-jean to Arnold and just about managed a tiny smile.

"Can you look after her for me?" Lilimay asked her father "it's been a long time since I've seen Chloë properly, I'd like to spend some quality time with my sister"

"Okay" Arnold agreed, "Have fun"

He watched Lilimay tiredly make her way to Chloë's quarters, he put his hand on Billie-jean's thick brown hair and rubbed her little head lightly "I'm sorry Billie-jean" Arnold kissed her baby hair and inhaled her baby smell "I'm sorry I didn't want you, I'm sorry I tried to dismiss you, I love you, Billie-jean Rimmer, I love you so much it hurts." Arnold never wanted to let go of his granddaughter "come one baby Billie" he walked off "let's go and see Krissie and Lorena"

"Chloë" Lilimay called "Chloë, Chloë"

"Lilly" Chloë gasped, "What are you doing here?"

"Dad's looking after Billie-jean for me" Lilimay smiled "so I can spend some time with you"

"That's nice of him" Chloë gave her sister a hug "I'm so glad you're here Lilly"

"I'm glad I'm here too, Chloë" Lilimay smiled

"So what do you want to do Lilly?" Chloë asked

"Can we just talk?" Lilimay smiled "I just want to have a chat"

Arnold and Billie-jean took a nice long stroll down to Kristine's quarters. When they arrived Arnold tapped on the metal door

"Who is it?" Kristine's voice called

"It's Arnold" he called back "and Billie-jean"

"Come in" Kristine responded "but just to warn you, I'm feeding the baby"

Arnold walked into the room and placed Billie-jean on the floor under one of Lorena's many mobiles. He gave her a kiss on her forehead before sitting next to Kristine on the bed. Kristine looked up from Lorena and smiled at Arnold.

"Why have you got Billie-jean then?" Kristine asked him

"Lilimay wanted to spend some time with our daughter" Arnold answered "so I said I'd have Billie-jean for her"

"Oh, okay"

"And I thought that as Lilimay was seeing her sister Chloë, Billie-jean would like to see her sister, Lorena, too!"

"And let me guess" Kristine smiled "you thought you'd like to see your granddaughter's half-sister's mummy eh?"

"You got me" Arnold responded, "I'm sorry"

Kristine shook her head telling him that I was okay. She finished Lorena's feed and laid the baby in her cot.

"Can we carry on from earlier?" Arnold asked her "can I have a nice kiss?"

"I'm sorry Arnold" Kristine answered "not in front of Lorena and Billie-jean

"Okay" Arnold responded, "I understand"

"I'm sorry"

"It's okay" Arnold's eyebrows lifted and he turned to Kristine "if Lorena and Billie-jean weren't here, would you kiss me?"

Kristine thought about the answer she was going to give. It was possibly the answer that would change her life, possibly the most important answer of her life

"No" she answered, "if Lorena and Billie-jean weren't here, you would be in me so deep you couldn't even begin to imagine"

"Are you saying you'd sleep with me?" Arnold gasped

"if we were alone, we'd be making love like we used to" Kristine answered "we'd be making sexy passionate romantic love"

"Wow" Arnold answered "are you saying that nearly eleven years down the line you want to give it another go?"

"Yes" Kristine answered, "that's exactly what I'm saying"


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen**

Lilimay and Chloë had a wonderful time just chatting, when Arnold brought Billie-jean back to her Chloë said she wanted Lilimay to stay with the baby, this was great, Kristine asked Chloë if she'd look after Lorena for her. Luckily for Kristine and Arnold Chloë agreed.

Kristine and Arnold made their way back to Kristine's quarters checking each of their children one by one on the way. It was getting quite late so everyone except Jemimah, Lilimay, Chloë and Junior everyone was asleep. Just to be on the safe side Kristine locked their door so as no one would walk in, she knew that they would knock is anything was seriously wrong.

Kristine ran into her closet and striped off everything she was wearing. She dived into her 'sexy underwear box' and put on the most enticing pair she could see and slipped them on. While Kristine was doing this Arnold was stripping down to his boxers and preparing himself for the wonderful sex that was waiting for him. When Kristine finally came out of the closet she took his breath away. She was so sexy he wanted her so much; he forgot how wonderful she looked in the equivalent of a bikini so it was almost like he was looking at her for the first time. He needed to take it all in again so he just sat there and looked at her. He wanted to memorise her body, as he apparently hadn't done last time. She was gorgeous and obviously very horny.

Kristine sat down next to Arnold on her bed. She didn't say a word, she just grabbed one of his hands and put it under her knickers and rubbed it onto her pussy. Arnold didn't need any more encouragement, he simply carried on what she had initiated and rubbed her again and again until she orgasmed twice. Now it was up to Arnold, she just sat there waiting for what was next. Arnold may have forgotten how wonderful and sexy Kristine was in underwear but he hadn't forgotten what she liked and what turned her on. He laid her down and pulled of the very sexy knickers. He leant over her and gave her a kiss on the lips and made his way slowly down her body with kisses, first her neck then her chest, to her breasts and nipples down her stomach and finally onto her clit. He licked, nibbled and sucked her clit. This was Kristine's favourite part of foreplay. Obviously it was nowhere near as good as full on sex but it was the best you could do if you couldn't go all the way. It didn't take long for Kristine to come many times before Arnold pushed the tongue that had just been up Kristine's pussy into her mouth. Next was time for full on sex, throughout the whole experience so far there was no dialogue, just constant moaning and screaming from Kristine.

"Are you ready?" Arnold asked her being the sensitive man he was "are you ready for me?"

"Yes" Kristine promised, "I've never been more ready than I am"

Arnold thought back to their relationship previous to Chloë and Theo being conceived and remembered that it took a while for Kristine to enjoy it, it hurt her for a moment most times so he was cautious and gentle as he entered her. He needn't have been he just slipped into her and Kristine's normal hiss of pain was replaced with a scream of pleasure. This sex however was different; it wasn't as sensual, romantic and passionate as it normally was – it was ten times better. Kristine thought back to the last time she'd had sex that was similar to this. It was with Dave, it was just after Chloë was born and Arnold and Kristine had split up. it was the sex that made her feel like she'd met her soul mate. She realised now that all those years ago she hadn't found her soul mate because this sex was ten times better than that. This time she knew for definite that she had found her soul mate and there was nothing in the world that was going to stop her being with this man. He wasn't a rebound thing he was the real thing and Kristine felt so lucky to finally find him. She was going to keep him this time, no doubt about it.

It didn't take long for Arnold to come but Kristine didn't mind that, in fact she told him it was much better this way sometimes, and this was one of those times. Arnold thought he understood but decided to just let Kristine know that he did so as not to get a whole scientific reason of why his premature come was a good thing on this particular occasion. He just lay with her and soaked up her beauty in his eyes, her sexy smell in his nose and her feel with his skin. He couldn't imagine life with anyone else. He knew Yvonne was looking down on them and smiling. He knew that everyone would be happy for them and he knew that this was the right thing.

Jemimah was happy, Lilimay was happy, Junior was happy, Chloë was happy, Theo was happy, Blaize was happy, Caleb was happy, Matthew was happy, Billie-jean was happy, Alicia-May was happy, Izzy was happy, Lorena was happy and he was sure that Llewey, Jim-Bexley and Damien were happy with their dad. All his children and grandchildren were happy and now so was he. The most important person at this very moment was Kristine Kochanski and nothing could wipe the smile from her face. He knew that she was happy and this is exactly the way she wanted it to turn out. Kristine and Arnold were soul mates and finally they were together. What a perfect way to live your life.


End file.
